\"Your brain is broken\"

Today, I want to take you on a deeply personal journey that has transformed my life in ways I never thought possible. I believe it might resonate profoundly with many of you who have, at some point, dealt with the heavy weight of holding back emotions.

For a long time, I thought keeping a lid on my anger meant I was tough, and that I would appear like a really chilled, laid back person. Basically, someone who never seemed bothered by anything.

But I was bothered! I was pissed off, big time! Although you would never have known it, because I would never express it.

The truth was, that inside, I was deeply hurting, sad, scared, and angry - ALL THE TIME, because of what had happened before!

Little did I know, that suppressing these emotions was silently wrecking my wellbeing—showing up in physical ailments, leaving me sick and mentally drained. Eventually, after years of keeping those negative emotions stuck within me, and at the age of 23 years old, with two young boys, I had a psychotic break. I started seeing graphic and violent hallucinations, such as people getting run over and dragged down a road under the car. And then the delusions began. One time, I couldn't go into my son's bedroom because I believed he had died by hanging.

Looking back, I now see that I really needed help during that tough time. But I didn't want to ask for it because I thought I could handle everything by myself. Also, I thought getting help from professionals meant I was weak, and I didn't want to admit that.

It turns out, I really did need help, and I ended up getting psychiatric treatment for seven years. At first, nobody really knew what was going on with me. My first psychiatrist said it was just postnatal depression and told me, "Take these pills, and you'll feel better."

I was told that my brain was broken, and that it had stopped producing serotonin. They said I'd need to take medication for the rest of my life (btw, I've not been on medication since 2013). It wasn't just post-natal depression - it was Major Depressive Disorder and Psychosis, caused by undiagnosed autism and an autistic burnout (but that's a whole other story).

Enter the transformative practice that has become the cornerstone of my emotional liberation—writing to my anger. When I was younger, I kept a diary - I used it as 'something' to talk to. It was my safe place to spill out all the tough stuff—traumas, anxiety, and the anger I couldn't shake off. Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I'd take a moment to pause, reflect, and let it all out on paper. It was like a magical tool that helped me unload my emotional baggage. This simple yet powerful act had been my lifeline, giving me complete inner peace and the freedom to explore my thoughts without fear. My diary saved me!

Did you know that expressive writing, like keeping a diary, has shown various psychological and health benefits. Here's my summary of the research:

1. Emotional Well-being: Putting thoughts into words through expressive writing can enhance emotional well-being, providing relief and reducing stress and anxiety, Pennebaker, (1997).

2. Health Benefits: Studies suggest that expressive writing may positively impact physical health, including strengthened immune function and improved cardiovascular health, Smyth, (1998).

3. Improved Mood: Regular expressive writing contributes to mood enhancement and a reduction in depression symptoms, fostering a more positive outlook, King, (2001).

4. Enhanced Cognitive Function: Engaging in expressive writing improves cognitive function by providing clarity, organizing thoughts effectively, and enhancing problem-solving abilities, Baikie, & Wilhelm, (2005).

5. Trauma Recovery: Expressive writing serves as a therapeutic tool for trauma recovery, facilitating emotional processing and reducing symptoms of PTSD, Sloan, & Marx, (2004).

6. Increased Self-awareness: Keeping a diary or practicing expressive writing enhances self-awareness, allowing individuals to better understand their emotions, behaviours, and personal growth, Gortner, Rude, & Pennebaker, (2006).

Note that individual responses vary, and the effectiveness of expressive writing depends on factors such as engagement level, specific prompts, and personal preferences.

With my own lived experience and the research on expressive writing, it seems obvious that keeping a journal is good for improving mental health. So why aren't we all doing this?

Here's my problem - I now don't have time to write in my diary everyday. I have the intention to start a diary, and then give up after a couple days. Sometimes, I don't even know what to write, because far too much has happened in the day and the prospect of writing EVERYTHING down, is far too boring and laborious.

Giving up and not knowing what to write can make us feel like failures. And who wants more guilt?

But what about writing a letter to my anger? A letter doesn't have to be long, it doesn't have to be written every day, heck - it doesn't even have to have perfect grammar or spelling, because no one is going to read it.

When your anger is overwhelming, you could write it a letter whenever you want to release some of the tension. What would you write in your letter?

In my book, A Letter to My Anger, I delve into the fundamentals of anger, its triggers, and the empowering practice of expressing and addressing it through writing. This process has not only liberated me from the shackles of suppressed emotions but has also paved the way for personal growth, instilling in me a newfound sense of peace and confidence.

Here are three teaser tips from 'A Letter to My Anger' that you can start applying today:

1. Pause and Reflect: When you feel anger rising within, take a moment to pause and reflect on the root cause. Identifying the trigger* is the first step towards understanding and addressing it. *I explain more about triggers in my book.

2. Express through Writing: Explore the power of written expression. Writing a letter to your anger provides a constructive outlet, allowing you to articulate your emotions and thoughts in a way that promotes understanding and healing. *I've provided a template on how to structure your letter in my book.

3. Embrace Emotional Liberation: Recognise that expressing emotions, even anger, is a natural part of the human experience. Embrace the journey of emotional liberation, understanding that it leads to personal growth, resilience, and inner peace. *In my book, I've written about the neuroscience of emotions, how they benefit/hinder us, and the best way to communicate our emotions to others.

Writing a letter to my anger fixed my brain!

As mentioned earlier, I was told that I'd need to take medication for the rest of my life. And yet, since 2013, I haven't. I've been functioning relatively (I am still autistic) healthily ever since. And I put it down to writing my thoughts and feelings in a letter, as and when I feel overwhelmed. I still have tough days, but I'm thriving, and that's what counts.

So now, I warmly invite you to join me on this transformative journey of self-discovery and emotional liberation. Let's together embrace the profound impact of addressing suppressed emotions and witness the positive transformations it can bring.

Here's the link to my book A Letter to My Anger Let me know how you get on with it, or just ping me a message - I'd love to hear from you.

References

Baikie, K. A., & Wilhelm, K. (2005). Emotional and physical health benefits of expressive writing. Advances in Psychiatric Treatment, 11(5), 338-346.

Gortner, E. M., Rude, S. S., & Pennebaker, J. W. (2006). Benefits of expressive writing in lowering rumination and depressive symptoms. Behavior Therapy, 37(3), 292-303.

King, L. A. (2001). The health benefits of writing about life goals. Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 27(7), 798-807.

Pennebaker, J. W. (1997). Writing about emotional experiences as a therapeutic process. Psychological Science, 8(3), 162-166.

Sloan, D. M., & Marx, B. P. (2004). A closer examination of the structured written disclosure procedure. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 72(2), 165-175.

Smyth, J. M. (1998). Written emotional expression: Effect sizes, outcome types, and moderating variables. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 66(1), 174-184.